Setting good boundaries with those you love (or put up with) can sometimes be challenging. People often hit snags because they really care about the other person, and/or they really care what the other person thinks of them. It can help to picture a boundary literally be drawn between the two of you… a divider [...]
Ever try being assertive, but feel like you’re ineffectively going in circles? Some struggle with being more assertive because what they believe is assertiveness is accompanied with guilt. And so they avoid being assertive until they “just can’t take it any more.” The pressure cooker releases and the argument with their (spouse, friend, mother, father, boss, whatever) is ugly. Sometimes they [...]
Whether you know it or not, you’ve probably engaged in “triangulation,” and not just as a kid when you ran to Mom because Dad just said “no” (or vice versa). Similar triangles can also happen with leadership or any work group, committee, or organization (including military) where two people talk about a third. On the surface, triangulation can look [...]
Think of a goal that you’ve been working for lately or that you’re about to go after. How about all those New Year’s resolutions? Do you know why you want it? In other words, what’s your motivation? Do you simply love what you’re doing, or is there a reward you are pursuing? Being clear about what motivates you can [...]
Goal setting can be a useful tool in many arenas. Experts say that 90% of the time, setting specific and challenging goals leads to better performance than “do your best” goals or none at all. Goals can direct attention, mobilize effort, increase persistence, and help you form good strategies. Famous sports figures such as Olympian Michael Phelps have achieved [...]
If you’ve ever gotten up to speak in front of a crowd or waited to take a test, you’re already aware of how your thoughts, bodily sensations, and emotions can overcome you if you’re not aware of them or if you try to erase them. These are obvious examples, but this “mind-body interaction” is at work all the time, [...]
Steer my mind to perform? Some peak performers try to take charge of their thoughts while others work on accepting them. Both approaches seem to make sense even though they are different. Learn about these two approaches and start developing your own mixture of strategies, capitalizing on positive thoughts to perform your best, either shifting away from or simply [...]
When performance matters, it’s common to feel amped up—your heart beats faster, for example. How you interpret these physical sensations can change how you feel emotionally, including your overall mindset, and ultimately make a difference in how you perform. Recent research into performance anxiety over tasks such as singing, public speaking, and math gives us some insights about performance [...]
Mindfulness can help you feel better equipped to handle difficult emotions. It’s a process geared to help you tune in to emotional experiences rather than try to escape from them. It’s easy to be overcome by depression, anxiety, PTSD, addiction, or other mental health problems. And you can make it worse by trying to forget the cause. For example, [...]
Anxiety can help motivate you to perform better, but too much can become overwhelming and get in the way of living life to the fullest. When ignored or avoided, anxiety can actually become more intense rather than less. To keep anxiety under control, we have three letters for you: PFD. We aren’t talking about a Personal Flotation Device; we’re [...]
Fear of failure can prevent you from performing your best in many situations including combat, work, relationships, and daily life. Worry can take a bigger hold when you push it aside. For instance, while preparing to give a presentation and thinking, “I can’t be nervous,” you might actually feel more nervous! As you face your fears, understand that fearing [...]
Because stress often manifests itself mentally, emotionally, or in the body, these are three paths I often take in helping people with stress management. There is no one "right" way. The trick is to figure out what works for you and do it consistently (and sometimes be flexible enough to use other approaches too). If you try to only [...]
A wonderful definition of anxiety is "an overestimation of threat plus an underestimation of ability to cope." Where does an overestimation of threat come from? Often times, ambiguity can take on a life of its own. There is a fear that something catastrophic may happen, but that catastrophic event is really an unknown. Keeping that "catastrophic event" in the [...]
"Shopping" for a psychotherapist can be a tricky endeavor. It's one of those things for which there is no guidebook or clear-cut path. And it sounds funny to use the word "shopping," but that's basically what this selection process is. Wouldn't it be nice if a therapist could tell potential clients how to go about looking and what to [...]
According to Dr. Patrick Walsh from Johns Hopkins, the prostate is "...only as big as a walnut, the prostate is a miniature Grand Central Station, a busy hub at the crossroads of a man's urinary and reproductive tracts." Walsh goes on to write, "any form of treatment for prostate cancer can produce side effects including incontinence, impotence, and rectal [...]
